When we make New Year's resolutions, it's often something that we KNOW needs change. Whether it's to lose weight, quit smoking, eat better, exercise more, or stop procrastinating, our resolutions stem from a desire to change.
This year, I made several resolutions. What's awesome is that I can blog my progress on them through out the year.
Here's my list:
- Respect B more
- Adopt and stick with a skin care routine
- Start bullet journaling
- Blog 3 days a week on my blog and once a week over at www.radicalchristianwoman.com
- Remember to take my thoughts captive to the obedience of Christ.
- Pray for people who work my nerves instead of getting mad or letting bitterness and resentment get a toehold in my life.
- Surrender pride and anger to the Lord daily
- Treat people the way I want to be treated
- Pay off all of my credit card debt
- Finish my My 75 list
- Learn French because I want to go to Paris someday and I think it's a beautiful language.
- Become more intentional with social media
All of these are things I either want or need to accomplish but I realized I needed something more. Not just a resolution, but a mission.
A turning point, a new mission
My mission has become to know God better. I know this sounds super religious and noble and blah, blah, blah, but I hope by now y'all know that I'm not a fluff blogger. I may throw out the occasional recipe, how-to, or DIY post, but for the most part this blog is about my journey of faith and I take it seriously.
Why did I accept this mission?
Tuesday night, January 3rd, 2017, I cracked. I mean broke down, feeling hopeless, sobbing until I can't breathe kind of cracked. I really felt like I was doomed to be repeating a sin everyday for the rest of my life. I'm really glad I have friends and precious sisters who know they have to get a little tough with me.
What could possibly be that bad?
I married a man that had been married before and his divorce was not on the grounds of adultery. Here's the scripture out of Matthew that haunted me:
“It was also said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce. But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery."
Y'all for three years, I have felt like there's no way out of this. I was told once that God wont bless over sin and I couldn't help but think my marriage was doomed forever!!! I was raised up very legalistic and religious so I thought it didn't matter how forgiven I was, my marriage would never be blessed. I thought I was cursed in my marriage and that there was basically no point in praying for it since I sinned to get there and committed adultery everyday of my life. It's amazing how Satan can twist our minds to keep us from experiencing the fullness of God.
Confess, repent, move on - grace is so precious.
I have this one precious friend who leads the women's bible study at church. I am so thankful she doesn't care to be tough on me because she pointed out 2 things to me that I really needed hear. I'm not kidding when I said I cracked. I mean I completely broke down in bible study Tuesday. But God used my precious friend to remind me of David and Bathsheba. David murdered Uriah the Hittite so he could marry his wife who he had already committed adultery with!!! David and Bathsheba did lose their first son but David was still the apple of God's eye. David and Bathsheba confessed, repented, and then God blessed them with Solomon for a son!! Solomon!! The wisest man who ever lived. That's grace. It also showed me that while He won't bless sin, He will bless those with truly repentant hearts. I promise you that I have repented of the willfulness, disobedience, and just complete embracing of sin that led me to meet my husband in the first place and marry him later on. I am free. B and I both have turned our hearts fully toward the Lord now and I am excited about our future.
The other thing she told me is that I don't really know God. And it's true, I don't. I have a relationship with God because I have been saved but it's not a close relationship. I love God and God loves me but I admit that I don't know Him very well. My mission is to change that.
Reprogramming my heart.
While I may have all those resolutions, my mission is definitely my most important one. It's been a long time coming. My heart is fully surrendered and I want nothing more than for God to strip me of the legalism that has screwed my head up and made me feel hopeless for decades. I have given Him my heart to reprogram with a real understanding of His love, grace, and mercy. I really want to know God. I'm not satisfied with just being saved and going to heaven. I not satisfied with just knowing the Lord. I want to know Him well.
If you struggle with feeling hopeless like I have, I encourage you to complete this mission with me. Let 2017 be the year that you really, REALLY get to know the Lord.