If you are reading this, I'm excited that you have decided to continue with me on this journey.
It is my sincere hope that I never come across as haughty or upitty in anyway. The ONLY thing I want is to encourage people, give people hope and be humble enough that Jesus can live through me.
I have to confess that my biggest struggle is pridefulness so I need you all to keep me accountable OK? If you all let me know that I'm being a snot, I will take it seriously and tone it down.
Ok, where did I leave off last time?
Oh yes, my nervous breakdown.
I had carried some serious stress around for years.
Burdens that I had no business carrying (and I will do a specific post in the future Lord willing on exactly that) piled up like bricks on my back because I wouldn't turn them over to God and I broke!!!
My mind would race to the point that I couldn't focus on a single thought, my heart would race and beat in such a way that I couldn't breathe, I had physical pain that had no diagnosis, my hair began to fall out and then it happened...I snapped.
My mind shut down.
Oh my brain worked in the sense that it made my body function but it was otherwise shut down. I remember the morning it happened. I was getting ready for work in my bathroom and I sat down on my toilet for a reason I still can't remember and then it was 3 hours later.
I completely lost 3 hours of my life.
It scared the crap out of me so I called my doctor and was hospitalized for 5 days due to major clinical depression...aka a nervous breakdown.
And that's when it happened...that's when God began to put me back together.
He used me while I was in there to speak life to a couple of other people (strange I know) and that really helped my own healing to begin!!!
When I got home, I still wasn't right. I realized that I had been playing church up until that point because that was all I knew how to do but then I got serious about my walk with God.
I'm no where near where I want to be spiritually but I can look back to that point in my life and see how far the Lord has brought me, where he has brought me from, and how much he has drawn me closer to him.
My faith has grown so much that I know I will only grow more desperate for him until I go home.
I think about how true Romans 8:28 is.
God really does work all things together for the good of those of us that love him and are called according to his purpose!!! It's true!!! He really does!!!
I'm a walking, laughing, smiling testimony of it!!!
There was a time in my life that I couldn't fathom happiness. I would look at happy people and think they had to be faking it. No one could really be that happy. I only knew shades of blah...but then the light broke through. The clouds started to break up and the sun started shining through and it was glorious.
Today, I am excited about life!! I feel like I have purpose!! If you are reading this and think there is no hope, that you will never feel light and joyful, I promise you that Jesus can do in you what he has done (and is still doing) in me!!!
I'm not special. God is no respecter of persons. He loves us all on a level we can't even fathom and what better is that he WANTS to help us but sometimes we have to break before we become willing to let him. Our pride tells us that we are strong and we can handle it. Ha!!! Wrong! But we have a Lord that can.
Well folks, I hope this encourages someone but my lunch break is now over and I must resume working. I want each of you to know that you are beautiful and loved. Yes I mean you too...